Keeping Your Reader from Reading

 Don't you just hate it when someone keeps reading your book?  

Me, too! 

Here are a few tips on how to stop that reader before the end of the first chapter. Heck, if you do it right, most readers won't read more than a few pages.

1.  Start your story off with

* your main character eating popcorn and watching a movie or TV show in their living room.  Give details of the movie's plot.

*your main character waking up, getting breakfast, and dressing for the day.

*your main character at her workplace or job doing something mundane that has nothing to do with the plot.  Be sure to go into great detail to insure boredom!

*your main character running into a hot former flame but immediately leaving then spending many pages remembering how screwed up their relationship was.  Whatever you do, don’t let those ex-lovers talk about those old times and let sparks fly!

*a prologue that has little to do with the rest of the novel but gives lots of back story the reader will never really need.

*so much information about your world building and character's magical abilities that the reader is totally confused.

*introducing so many characters that the reader becomes hopelessly confused.

2.  Make sure your first chapter has the right percentage of dialogue, narrative, and introspection.  

10% or less:  Narrative which includes action (John flinched as she wagged her finger in his face.), immediate emotional comments (Mary fought her desire to strangle him with his tie.), and description (Clothes littered the room like confetti at a ticker tape parade.).

10% or less:  Dialogue, particularly dialogue that gives information ("I know that Mary murdered John!  I hope they hang her."), shows conflict between characters ("You're a liar.  Mary loved him.  She was framed."),  or moves the story forward.  ("And I'll prove she didn't do it.") 

80%  or more:  The viewpoint character's introspection about the past.  Give that reader back story, internal whining, and emotional navel gazing until she is screaming for mercy and throwing that manuscript down!

3.  Have the main character or characters wander around aimlessly with no goal or motives.

4. Have such poor grammar and spelling that no one can understand half of what you write.

5. Love your writing so much that it is impossible to cut out anything. 

A Dollar of Trust

Imagine that a reader gives you a dollar’s worth of trust by reading your book. That trust means she expects you to give her certain things like a good story, interesting characters, and competent craft, among other things.

Every time your story fails in one of these elements, the reader takes away a bit of that money, and, when there is no money left, the reader tosses the book without finishing it and will no longer trust you enough to buy the next book.

The really tricky problem is you don't know what will irk each reader. Maybe it's grammatical mistakes. She may take a nickel out of that dollar, or, if she really hates grammatical errors, that error may cost you a quarter or the whole dollar. Or it could be plot problems, bad science, or faltering viewpoint to lower that dollar to nothing.  

Do you really want to risk losing that reader by being sloppy about any part of your writing? It's just pretend is not an excuse many readers will accept.  

The Final Hook

 "Keeping the Reader Reading," (Part 13 of 13).

Hooks aren't just for the beginning. Smart writers always have a hook at the end to make the reader want to buy the writer's next story.

The final hook is the fulfilled promise of the story. If the story is a romance, the story should end with the promised "happily ever after." In a mystery the crime is solved or justice is meted out, and in a fantasy the quest is achieved or the monster defeated. Science fiction as a genre doesn't have such an obvious promise, but the individual story has a goal which must be reached.

Much less effective is an obvious set up hook for the next book’s plot or a revival of the bad guy or monster.  That mainly just annoys the reader as badly as “The End?” at the end of a horror movie.  

A better choice for the final hook is a "warm fuzzy" scene that offers the reader a happy emotional feeling for the main character or characters. Warm fuzzies are the scene of domestic bliss with the hero and heroine holding their baby, or the traveler returning home to family, or the adventure companions sharing a laugh and a beer.  Warm fuzzies are very common at the end of TV episodes, too.  

If a warm fuzzy doesn't fit the tone of the story, an extremely powerful and emotional final scene is the most effective hook possible. The reader will read the end, sit quietly for a short time, then mutter to himself, "Damn that was good," and he'll wait eagerly for the writer's next story.

THE END

Reaching "The End"

 "Keeping the Reader Reading," Part 12 of 13.  

A story ends when the character has achieved his primary goal, or he achieves some form of closure relating to the goal unachieved. For example, he gets the girl or gets over not getting the girl.

Often, the main character has some realization about "what it's all been about" at the very end. This can be as heavy handed as a stated moral to the story, or a subtle use of imagery that has appeared through the story, or a victory celebration of some sort.

The best "moral to the story" I can think of right now is the end of the film, THE MALTESE FALCON. The hero, played by Humphrey Bogart, has turned in the woman he loves for the murder of his partner.  In a voice over, he says he did this because the code he lives by as a private eye is even more important to him than love.

My STAR-CROSSED ends as it begins with the hero talking whimsically about wishing on a star. At the end, his wish has come true in the form of the woman in his arms. I used stars through the novel as images of aspirations and dreams, and even my cover has a man's manacled hand reaching for a star that is out of reach. These images tie the novel together until the images converge at the end with the hero's final words.

The most memorable victory celebration for me is the end of the original STAR WARS where Luke, Han, and Chewie receive medals for destroying the Death Star. Everyone is happy and victory has been achieved.

The final goal being achieved might not be the end of the novel.  It may end on a final hook or may be part of the first hook for the next novel.  I’ll discuss that next.  

Waking the Reader Up

"Keeping the Reader Reading," (Part 11 of 13)

John Gardner created the perfect analogy of writing in THE ART OF FICTION. He said that the writer creates a dream for the reader, and the writer must do nothing which wakes the reader up. Getting viewpoint right is a major part of keeping the reader within your dream.

Here are some other mistakes which will wake the reader up.

Author intrusion. The author uses language in such a way that the reader is aware of the reading and the author. If writing fiction is like photography, then author intrusion is the finger on the lens, the blurry focus, etc. The problem can be anything from writing that is too flowery or filled with too many obscure words to poor grammar or spelling. It can also be overuse of dialect or words made up for the world you create.

Wrong word choices. Pick strong verbs and avoid adverbs. Avoid "felt," "noticed," "seen," "thought," and other words like this. They distance the reader from the reality of the viewpoint character. Watch out for piled-on participial phrases and clauses which slow and break the rhythm of reading.

Repeating the character's name over and over again. Don't feel a need to constantly use the character's name in narrative. "He" or "she," is perfectly adequate except for clarity and the beginning of a scene. Name repetition reminds the reader that he is reading about a character, and it jerks him right out of that viewpoint character's head.

Overuse of characters addressing each other by name in dialogue. Don't constantly use names in dialogue. Listen to conversations and notice when people address each other by name. You won't hear many. Names are most often used at the beginning of a conversation as people greet each other. "Hello, Mary, how are you?" Or they're used to impart important or emotional information. "He's dead, Jim."

A plot that goes nowhere because the character has no goal. This is covered in my article, "How to Use Index Cards to Plot a Novel," so I won't go into it here.

Viewpoint Changes within a Scene

 I screwed up my numbering on the series so this should have been 8, not 9.  So, you are not missing an article.  I apologize.  

Keeping the Reader Reading," (Part 9 of 13.)

I've said that you shouldn't have more than one viewpoint within a scene, and that's usually true, but you can shift viewpoint to another character for the remainder of a long scene.

In this scene from my GUARDIAN ANGEL, the heroine has been the viewpoint character through a long chase scene and an interrogation by FBI Agent Mark Faulkner. She and her bodyguard who is Mark's ex-partner are ready to leave. Mark kisses her to make Gard jealous. At that point, I switch to Gard's viewpoint for the remainder of the chapter.

Stepping back, she resisted her urge to glare or hit Mark in his presumptuous teeth. Despite his obvious desire to sleep with her, he had meant that kiss more for Gard's reaction than her seduction. He'd coldly and secretly studied Gard during the whole supposedly passionate exchange. She shoved the car seat forward, his Machiavellian maneuvers beyond her comprehension at the moment, and slid into the back seat. "I'll sit in the back."

Gard forced his right fist back into a hand before he knocked Mark's teeth or the side of the door in and pushed the front seat back into position. He locked and closed the door then nodded curtly to his former partner. "I'll call you."

How did I show a viewpoint change? That's our next subject.

Two or More Brains in Viewpoint

 "Keeping the Reader Reading," (Part 7 of 13)

Another very common problem with viewpoint is writing a scene from the brains/viewpoints of two or more characters at the same time. We are privy to what each character is thinking. Here is an example.

"Did April come with you?" Austin asked. He whispered a prayer that his daughter wasn't in the hands of the children's kidnappers.

Pleased to tell the old man good news, Faith said, "No. The doctor wouldn't allow it. That's one reason I was sent."

"What do you mean the doctor wouldn't allow?" Alarms ringing in his head, Nick sat up. "What's wrong with April?"

Boy, he's not going to like this news, Austin thought. "She's pregnant."

In this short bit of dialogue, the effect of multiple viewpoints isn't too bad, but in a scene, it can be very annoying or confusing as it becomes a mental ping-pong match among multiple players. The reader ends up with mental whiplash or nausea from all that back and forth between brains.

Other viewpoints also take away the reader’s interest and emotional investment in the important character or characters.

When I point out the multiple viewpoint error, the most common comment I get from new writers is, "But I have to explain what the other characters are feeling about what is happening."

My answer is, "No, you don't. Give the reader clues by describing the physical actions of the characters, or their tone of voice, or by trusting the reader's knowledge of the character, then let the reader fill in the blanks. Filling in the blanks is an important part of the enjoyment for the reader."

If Nick's expression goes flat with shock when he hears his ex-wife is pregnant with her new husband's baby, the reader can figure out what is going on emotionally with him without being privy to his thoughts.

Viewpoint and Narrative Distance

"Keeping the Reader Reading," Part 5

For a writer, viewpoint is more than the standard list you learned in English. We not only have to choose from first, second, third, and omniscient viewpoints, we also have to choose narrative distance.

The standard viewpoint for genre fiction is third person where the viewpoint character is referred to as "he" or "she." 

First person “I” is acceptable in some mystery fiction and romance, but it's not seen as often in sf and fantasy with the exception of urban fantasy.

In omniscient viewpoint you read the thoughts of all or most of the characters' heads. It has fallen out of favor in the last twenty years, and you will only rarely see it in genre with the exception of Regency romances where the writer is attempting to mimic the style of Jane Austen and her contemporaries. It’s also used in some epic fantasy.

Why is it out of favor? Narrative distance. The current trend in writing is for warm or hot viewpoint in popular fiction, and omniscient is by its nature cold.

The simplest example of cold viewpoint would be a novel written from Spock's viewpoint. Emotion doesn't cloud the events seen by the narrator. Books of high epic fantasy like THE LORD OF THE RINGS are primarily in cold viewpoint because the books have a sense of a great story being retold, and the individual is less important than the story itself.

Warm viewpoint allows emotions from the viewpoint character, but the emotions aren't always center stage. Most sf, fantasy, and mysteries are written primarily in warm viewpoint.

Hot viewpoint is most often seen in romance, and I'm not talking just about the sex scenes. Hot viewpoint allows the emotions to be emphasized. What the viewpoint character feels is just as important as what is happening.

Even romances are not told only in hot viewpoint which is reserved for scenes of emotional importance.

All three forms of narrative distance can usually be found in a novel. In my novel, STAR-CROSSED, for example, I wrote the heroine primarily in hot viewpoint because she's a loving and giving person who thinks as much with her heart as her scientist's brain.

The hero was written primarily in warm viewpoint because he's a guy, dang it, and guys tend to think in cold or warm viewpoint with occasional careful forays into hot. He also doesn't trust his emotions so he keeps them in check.

My villain I wrote in cold viewpoint because she was emotionally cold and frightening in a reptilian way, and, frankly, I had no desire to get that deep into her sick psyche, and I knew most of my readers would feel the same way. 

Character Motivation as a Hook

 "Keeping the Reader Reading,” (Part 4 of 13.)

In one of my first stories, I had the main character in a surly mood in the opening scene without telling the reader why he was acting the way he was. A friend who critiqued the story wrote in the margin, "Who pissed in his oatmeal this morning?" It's a comment I hear in my head every time I discover I need to rewrite an under-motivated character.

Characters should have very good reasons to act as they do, and we must give them motivations that the reader can understand. 

In THE GAME WE PLAY, Nick’s motive for stealing the ransom from a very dangerous person is obvious-- he’s the father of the two kidnapped children, but Faith is hired help so I had to create a back story reason for her decision to risk her life to save the kids-- she has known them for over a year because she teaches children’s gymnastics at the Y, and she’s formed a deep bond with these two special kids.  She’s also a childless widow who is desperately maternal.

If a character’s motivation is strong enough, the reader will want the character to succeed and will continue reading.  The strongest motivation is personal and emotional because it speaks from the character’s heart to the reader’s.  That’s a very strong reader hook, indeed.

The Character Hook

 "Keeping the Reader Reading,"  (Part 3 of 13.)

The first plot hook and the visual and sensual hooks aren't enough to create a story. We need one or more characters who will let us see what they see and experience the events as they do. These characters must have an important goal and be characters the reader can like or empathize with.

In the scenes I've already posted, we have Faith Cody, a school teacher, who becomes involved in the rescue of the two kidnapping children she'd been hired to tend for the summer. She will be the main character the reader will follow through this plot.

She's a nice lady and someone a reader can root for, and her goal--the rescue of two small children-- is a very worthy one. She will be our viewpoint character.

The character hook tends to take longer to introduce, but starting with jeopardy as I did with Faith grabs the reader so she will keep reading to learn more about Faith and her plot goal.  

Sensual Detail as a Hook

"Keeping the Reader Reading,"  (Part 2 of 13).

The plot hook isn't the only thing that keeps the reader reading. 

Here's two versions of THE GAME WE PLAY’s opening.  

Faith Cody lay in bed. She tossed and turned then moaned at a horrible nightmare. She heard the sound of her moan and woke up. This wasn't her room. Where was she? Why was she here? Why was the room so fuzzy?

A man leaned over her. He was blurred, too. Somehow, she knew he was going to rape her. As his hand reached her face, she screamed.

In comparison:

Light and shadow undulated around her in a drugged blur, but she could distinguish enough corners and shapes to know she lay in a strange bedroom. Rainy afternoon gray light billowed through thin, white curtains, and she could smell the sea and the freshly laundered sheets of her bed. The ceiling above her was spattered with large shadows of raindrops she couldn't see on the windows.

A man, a blur of flesh tones and angles, leaned over her. His hand became solid shape as it reached her face. Her nameless dread became terror, and she cringed away, expecting rape.

The second gives visual details -- corners, shapes, white curtains, the shadows of raindrops. It also gives details from the other senses -- the smell of the ocean and the sheets, and the feel of the wind from the open window. The reader should be in that room at this point because she can visualize it.

Getting the reader’s head into your book as fast as possible is as much a hook as the plot questions you’ve asked.  

Link to Part 1: 

http://mbyerly.blogspot.com/2022/02/the-first-hook.html

The First Hook

Today, I'm starting a series of blogs called "Keeping the Reader Reading" about what's needed to bring your reader into your story and keep him there until the very end.

THE FIRST HOOK. (Post 1 of 13) 

What gets us into a story? What keeps us there?

Let's look at two beginnings of the same story.

Faith Cody finished her packing by tossing in several paperback historical novels, straightened, and closed her suitcase.

She was so excited. Today, she was going on the closest thing to a vacation she'd had for years-- over a month at Myrtle Beach acting as the nanny for two darling children.

Here's the second beginning--

Hideous creatures crouched in the darkness.

Faith Cody, her mind seeking consciousness, struggled against the clinging tentacles of that drugged darkness.

Her body twisted in the throes of nightmare, and she moaned, the deep-chested sound dragging her into the light. But when she opened her eyes, a monster waited there as well.

Light and shadow undulated around her in a drugged blur, but she could distinguish enough corners and shapes to know she lay in a strange bedroom. Rainy afternoon gray light billowed through thin, white curtains, and she could smell the sea and the freshly laundered sheets of her bed. The ceiling above her was spattered with large shadows of raindrops she couldn't see on the windows.

A man, a blur of flesh tones and angles, leaned over her. His hand became solid shape as it reached her face. Her nameless dread became terror, and she cringed away expecting rape.

From THE GAME WE PLAY

Which beginning draws the reader in? I imagine most readers would say the second one.

Why?

Both stories are about the same person on the same day, but the second story begins at an important, exciting moment, and the questions it asks of the reader makes her want to keep reading. Why has Faith been drugged? Where is she? Who is the man leaning over her and what will he do to her?

The moment and those questions are called the hook. In the average short story, the first hook should be in the first few paragraphs; in the average novel, within the first few pages, but the sooner the better.

Two or More Brains in Viewpoint

"Keeping the Reader Reading," Part 7

Another very common problem with viewpoint is writing a scene from the brains/viewpoints of two or more characters at the same time. We are privy to what each character is thinking. Here is an example.

"Did April come with you?" Austin asked. He whispered a prayer that his daughter wasn't in the hands of the children's kidnappers.

Pleased to tell the old man good news, Faith said, "No. The doctor wouldn't allow it. That's one reason I was sent."

"What do you mean the doctor wouldn't allow?" Alarms ringing in his head, Nick sat up. "What's wrong with April?"

Boy, he's not going to like this news, Austin thought. "She's pregnant."

In this short bit of dialogue, the effect of multiple viewpoints isn't too bad, but in a scene, it can be very annoying or confusing as it becomes a mental ping-pong match among multiple players. The reader ends up with mental whiplash or nausea from all that back and forth between brains.

Other viewpoints also take away the reader’s interest and emotional investment in the important character or characters.

When I point out the multiple viewpoint error, the most common comment I get from new writers is, "But I have to explain what the other characters are feeling about what is happening."

My answer is, "No, you don't. Give the reader clues by describing the physical actions of the characters, or their tone of voice, or by trusting the reader's knowledge of the character, then let the reader fill in the blanks. Filling in the blanks is an important part of the enjoyment for the reader."

If Nick's face goes blank with shock as if someone has slapped him unexpectedly when he hears his ex-wife is pregnant with her new husband's baby, the reader can figure out what is going on emotionally with him without being privy to his thoughts.