Viewpoint as a Camera

 "Keeping the Reader Reading," (Part 6 of 13)

The most common mistake in viewpoint new writers make is they become a camera rather than the actor in the scene. In other words, they are sitting in the corner scribbling away as they describe the movie going on in front of them.

As a camera, the writer would write:

Faith struck at him with the edge of her hand, but he caught her wrist and held it.

"Don't," he said harshly.

She clawed at his eyes, but he dodged. Yanking free, she came to her knees but paused.

He took advantage of her slowness by throwing himself on top of her and pinning her to the bed.

She kicked at his groin and missed. Screaming and twisting, she tried again.

The correct place for the writer to be is in the brain and body of the viewpoint character. She should describe what the viewpoint character SEES and FEELS to make the scene come alive. Here's the same scene through the filter of Faith Cody

Faith struck out with the edge of her hand, but the self-defense blow which should have smashed his windpipe was as clumsy and slow as the rest of her drugged body. He caught her wrist in steel fingers.

"Don't."

His hard-voiced command spurred her from her hopelessness, and she raked at his eyes with her free hand. His hand loosening her wrist, he dodged. 

Yanking free, she came to her knees in bed. She wore only a large man’s tee shirt.

Shocked by her vulnerability, she paused before attacking again or fleeing. In that moment, he threw himself at her, pinning her to the bed, his hands manacling her wrists to the sheets.

Her knee seeking his genitals, she twisted, but her knee glanced off his inner thigh. Screaming like an angry jungle cat, she writhed beneath him as she tried to hit him again with her knee.

Being in a character's head rather than watching from the outside creates a reality for the reader. Use visual and sensual language. Make the reader see what the character sees. Make the reader feel what the character feels.

Don't say, "Pamela was afraid." Say, "Shivers ran like cold fingers down her back." In other words, show, don't tell. If a character is angry, don't have him shout dialogue or "say angrily." Use his actions instead. If he's grinding a wadded paper to pulp in his hand while he's talking, you can be darn sure he's mad.

If the reader is in the viewpoint character’s head, they will be hooked.

Viewpoint and Narrative Distance

"Keeping the Reader Reading," Part 5

For a writer, viewpoint is more than the standard list you learned in English. We not only have to choose from first, second, third, and omniscient viewpoints, we also have to choose narrative distance.

The standard viewpoint for genre fiction is third person where the viewpoint character is referred to as "he" or "she." 

First person “I” is acceptable in some mystery fiction and romance, but it's not seen as often in sf and fantasy with the exception of urban fantasy.

In omniscient viewpoint you read the thoughts of all or most of the characters' heads. It has fallen out of favor in the last twenty years, and you will only rarely see it in genre with the exception of Regency romances where the writer is attempting to mimic the style of Jane Austen and her contemporaries. It’s also used in some epic fantasy.

Why is it out of favor? Narrative distance. The current trend in writing is for warm or hot viewpoint in popular fiction, and omniscient is by its nature cold.

The simplest example of cold viewpoint would be a novel written from Spock's viewpoint. Emotion doesn't cloud the events seen by the narrator. Books of high epic fantasy like THE LORD OF THE RINGS are primarily in cold viewpoint because the books have a sense of a great story being retold, and the individual is less important than the story itself.

Warm viewpoint allows emotions from the viewpoint character, but the emotions aren't always center stage. Most sf, fantasy, and mysteries are written primarily in warm viewpoint.

Hot viewpoint is most often seen in romance, and I'm not talking just about the sex scenes. Hot viewpoint allows the emotions to be emphasized. What the viewpoint character feels is just as important as what is happening.

Even romances are not told only in hot viewpoint which is reserved for scenes of emotional importance.

All three forms of narrative distance can usually be found in a novel. In my novel, STAR-CROSSED, for example, I wrote the heroine primarily in hot viewpoint because she's a loving and giving person who thinks as much with her heart as her scientist's brain.

The hero was written primarily in warm viewpoint because he's a guy, dang it, and guys tend to think in cold or warm viewpoint with occasional careful forays into hot. He also doesn't trust his emotions so he keeps them in check.

My villain I wrote in cold viewpoint because she was emotionally cold and frightening in a reptilian way, and, frankly, I had no desire to get that deep into her sick psyche, and I knew most of my readers would feel the same way. 

Character Motivation as a Hook

 "Keeping the Reader Reading,” (Part 4 of 13.)

In one of my first stories, I had the main character in a surly mood in the opening scene without telling the reader why he was acting the way he was. A friend who critiqued the story wrote in the margin, "Who pissed in his oatmeal this morning?" It's a comment I hear in my head every time I discover I need to rewrite an under-motivated character.

Characters should have very good reasons to act as they do, and we must give them motivations that the reader can understand. 

In THE GAME WE PLAY, Nick’s motive for stealing the ransom from a very dangerous person is obvious-- he’s the father of the two kidnapped children, but Faith is hired help so I had to create a back story reason for her decision to risk her life to save the kids-- she has known them for over a year because she teaches children’s gymnastics at the Y, and she’s formed a deep bond with these two special kids.  She’s also a childless widow who is desperately maternal.

If a character’s motivation is strong enough, the reader will want the character to succeed and will continue reading.  The strongest motivation is personal and emotional because it speaks from the character’s heart to the reader’s.  That’s a very strong reader hook, indeed.

The Character Hook

 "Keeping the Reader Reading,"  (Part 3 of 13.)

The first plot hook and the visual and sensual hooks aren't enough to create a story. We need one or more characters who will let us see what they see and experience the events as they do. These characters must have an important goal and be characters the reader can like or empathize with.

In the scenes I've already posted, we have Faith Cody, a school teacher, who becomes involved in the rescue of the two kidnapping children she'd been hired to tend for the summer. She will be the main character the reader will follow through this plot.

She's a nice lady and someone a reader can root for, and her goal--the rescue of two small children-- is a very worthy one. She will be our viewpoint character.

The character hook tends to take longer to introduce, but starting with jeopardy as I did with Faith grabs the reader so she will keep reading to learn more about Faith and her plot goal.  

Sensual Detail as a Hook

"Keeping the Reader Reading,"  (Part 2 of 13).

The plot hook isn't the only thing that keeps the reader reading. 

Here's two versions of THE GAME WE PLAY’s opening.  

Faith Cody lay in bed. She tossed and turned then moaned at a horrible nightmare. She heard the sound of her moan and woke up. This wasn't her room. Where was she? Why was she here? Why was the room so fuzzy?

A man leaned over her. He was blurred, too. Somehow, she knew he was going to rape her. As his hand reached her face, she screamed.

In comparison:

Light and shadow undulated around her in a drugged blur, but she could distinguish enough corners and shapes to know she lay in a strange bedroom. Rainy afternoon gray light billowed through thin, white curtains, and she could smell the sea and the freshly laundered sheets of her bed. The ceiling above her was spattered with large shadows of raindrops she couldn't see on the windows.

A man, a blur of flesh tones and angles, leaned over her. His hand became solid shape as it reached her face. Her nameless dread became terror, and she cringed away, expecting rape.

The second gives visual details -- corners, shapes, white curtains, the shadows of raindrops. It also gives details from the other senses -- the smell of the ocean and the sheets, and the feel of the wind from the open window. The reader should be in that room at this point because she can visualize it.

Getting the reader’s head into your book as fast as possible is as much a hook as the plot questions you’ve asked.  

Link to Part 1: 

http://mbyerly.blogspot.com/2022/02/the-first-hook.html

The First Hook

Today, I'm starting a series of blogs called "Keeping the Reader Reading" about what's needed to bring your reader into your story and keep him there until the very end.

THE FIRST HOOK. (Post 1 of 13) 

What gets us into a story? What keeps us there?

Let's look at two beginnings of the same story.

Faith Cody finished her packing by tossing in several paperback historical novels, straightened, and closed her suitcase.

She was so excited. Today, she was going on the closest thing to a vacation she'd had for years-- over a month at Myrtle Beach acting as the nanny for two darling children.

Here's the second beginning--

Hideous creatures crouched in the darkness.

Faith Cody, her mind seeking consciousness, struggled against the clinging tentacles of that drugged darkness.

Her body twisted in the throes of nightmare, and she moaned, the deep-chested sound dragging her into the light. But when she opened her eyes, a monster waited there as well.

Light and shadow undulated around her in a drugged blur, but she could distinguish enough corners and shapes to know she lay in a strange bedroom. Rainy afternoon gray light billowed through thin, white curtains, and she could smell the sea and the freshly laundered sheets of her bed. The ceiling above her was spattered with large shadows of raindrops she couldn't see on the windows.

A man, a blur of flesh tones and angles, leaned over her. His hand became solid shape as it reached her face. Her nameless dread became terror, and she cringed away expecting rape.

From THE GAME WE PLAY

Which beginning draws the reader in? I imagine most readers would say the second one.

Why?

Both stories are about the same person on the same day, but the second story begins at an important, exciting moment, and the questions it asks of the reader makes her want to keep reading. Why has Faith been drugged? Where is she? Who is the man leaning over her and what will he do to her?

The moment and those questions are called the hook. In the average short story, the first hook should be in the first few paragraphs; in the average novel, within the first few pages, but the sooner the better.

Who is the Main Character?

Figuring out who the main character is in your novel is often hard for the romance writer when both the hero and heroine are strong personalities.  The same is true for fantasy novels with large casts.

The simplest way to find out is to ask yourself who has to change the most in very important ways to reach her/his goal.  That person is the main character.

The main character should act to reach that goal, not have it happen to him/her as a matter of events.  

Why do you need to know? If you know, you can make the novel stronger by emphasizing that character’s changes. 

And when it comes time to market that novel to a publisher or the reader, you’ll know who to emphasize when you describe your novel.